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An Innocent Mind
A visitor came to one of our training workshops recently. The partner of one of the professional participants, he sat, not in the back where he might have spent the time unseen, but smack in the middle of the proceedings. Affable and a good sport, he agreed to take part in a number of dyads, the purpose of which was to practice the material being presented. In each case, he was, in turn, first a client and later, the therapist. Later, when the workshop was over, the two of us spoke for a few minutes. "So what's the big deal?" he wondered out loud, "It all seems pretty easy."** I grinned. Below is an expanded version of the rest of my response to his comment. Well, George, it IS easy. It was easy for you today, because you were clear you didn't know what you were doing. You came to the therapeutic setting with an unencumbered mind. You were unattached to whether or not the client solved his problem. You did not need him to decide one way or the other. You were clear that whatever he did or thought, it had nothing to do with you. Your competency as a professional did not concern you. It was okay with you if the client liked you and it was okay with you if he didn't. Whatever he thought about you, you didn't take it personally. You were not worried that he wouldn't pay you and you didn't care if he decided against using you as a therapist again. You had no thought of judging him. As far as you knew, he was just fine the way he was. And you harbored no hopes that he would "get better." You were not Trying. With no effort at all, you maintained a beginner's mind. You had no agenda for the client. It did not occur to you that there was something you already should have known how to do. You were eager and interested. You had no point to make and nothing to prove. You were more involved in observing and wondering, than you were in teaching or educating. Without much instruction at all, you trusted the client to do what he would do. You invited, even though you had no idea where the invitation would lead. And you followed his process with no need to understand where that process was going. You see, George, what we teach at PTI, and what generally takes several concentrated years for us professionals to learn, is how to return to the perspective with which you came to our workshop today. It takes time to shed ourselves of goal-focus and return to a state of curiosity and amazement. For most of us, the slow process of zipping ourselves out of our decades-old cloak of Shoulds 'n Shouldn'ts often leaves us feeling vulnerable, naked, and uncertain. There is a degree of safety when we wear the cloak of our childhood beliefs and most of us feel comfortable with the clearly defined goals with which that cloak is stitched. However, as we mature, we often find it cumbersome. We yearn for something else to replace it. Some of us are able to shrug it off quickly. But most of us remove it in bits and pieces only, tentatively experimenting with replacements, first trying on this belief and, later, that method. Here at PTI, each of our students is encouraged to have their own beliefs and their own methods. At the same time we invite everyone, including your partner, to move toward a common objective. That objective is to return to the mindset they were wearing when they were born - humility, positive regard, and an unconditional fascination for self and for others. I call that having an innocent mindset. And an innocent mind, George, is what you brought with you to this workshop. And that is why your experience today was "easy."
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